Life During Lockdown: My Mom
Today is mother’s day, so I interviewed my own mom, Caroline Blakemore, about how she’s doing these day. She was raised in Ann Arbor Michigan as the daughter of European immigrants and attended the University of Michigan, where she met my father Ralph Abraham. After living in New York City (where my brother John and I were born), Vermont, and New Jersey, Caroline and her young family ended up in Berkeley then Santa Cruz (my father is a mathematician) at the height of the ’60s revolution. After a divorce, and remarrying to my step dad Richard Blakemore, our family settled in Northern San Diego County, where Caroline became a reading specialist at Valley Center Elementary School. She’s now retired and living in Ventura, California, equidistant between her two sets of grandchildren. She has a relentlessly positive outlook on life, and she’s always been a thoughtful and caring mom to her family. Along with her husband Larry, Caroline keeps busy with travel, painting, and plant based cooking. Here’s what she told me:
1. Give me some highlights and lowlights from your first month and a half in lockdown mode
At first it was a challenge figuring out how to manage Instacart, neighbors offering to bring us groceries, and weekly CSA veggie/fruit boxes. Then out of the blue a young friend we hadn’t seen or heard from in years called and offered to do all our grocery shopping for us. That is just one of the acts of kindness we have witnessed everyday.
We keep our regular schedule of awakening every day at 6:30 and retiring at 10. I enjoy cooking, and because of all the veggies we’re getting from the CSA, we eat a lot more of them. I do more cooking than before, as we occasionally ate out at our favorite Vegan restaurant, which is still in business by doing take-out. We do a daily fast walk with our dog around the neighborhood, where we often stop to talk with neighbors while socially distancing. It seems our days are more packed than ever, as Larry does phone consults and lots of Zooming with Building Biology board and teachers. I have several art projects, and a bunch of emails, texts and calls. Has anyone else experienced time accelerating? The weeks fly by.
Well into the first few weeks of SIP (Sheltering In Place) I began to miss my weekly rides with one of my best friends to Santa Barbara for art classes There is nothing that can replace sharing your life in person weekly with beloved friends. Then early on came Zoom. I’m now down to four a week. One is with my QiGong group and teacher, two with art and poetry groups. In one we mostly share our latest art work via Power Point on Zoom, and this works very well.
2. How have you grown personally and professionally during this disruption?
It turns out SIP is a gift for going within, a time to be silent, with fewer distractions that allow for meditation and needed inner work (though I thought there would be more quiet time). At one point early on, with all the bad news coming in, I started experiencing some fear. I knew I was being triggered by some old beliefs and thoughts. So I turned to The Work of Byron Katie, to do inquiry on the real cause. It’s one of the Zooms I do from Monday through Thursday morning with others from all over the world, many with concerns about the Covid 19 virus.
This has proved life changing, because I’ve been able to scan my long life anew and experience new found joy and the ability to be more present to beauty everywhere. Now in my eighties, who knows how much time I have left on this earth school. I want to learn as much as I can about loving kindness and the expression of love and appreciation to all my extended family, friends, this bountiful world and all life form.
3. Has your relationship with your family, your art and your community changed as a result of being limited due to the pandemic?
I hope all my relationships including with our blessed dog, Reina, have improved by being more present. I think my art has improved too. I find more joy in everything. There is nothing like a little silence, a little deep breathing, and personal inquiry, and taking responsibility for my thoughts and feelings to remove obstacles to loving what is.
Of course, I couldn’t adore my five precious grandchildren more. There is always something to learn from them. They teach me about what Byron Katie calls “the don’t know mind.” One of the realizations when getting older is that I really don’t know. What a relief not to have to be right! In other words, live and let live, and just be loving.
4. Can those of us with deep wisdom and experience create positive change in the world during a crisis like this?
After all these years I’ve finally learned that the only way to create positive change is to change myself. That’s my purpose at this point. This is the joy of being a senior: to be free of professional striving, free of trying to please others, free of seeking peace and happiness outside myself, I can find happiness where it’s always been, within myself. This is the message of all the great spiritual masters Jesus, Buddha, and most all the great spiritual teachings. In this crisis or any others, we all benefit from giving kindness in the form of listening to others with an open heart, lending a helping hand where needed, and expressing compassion. And finally, laugh out loud.
Here is my wish for all from the first few lyrics of the song,
Something Beautiful by Alexi Murdoch
May the Grace of God be with you always, in your heart
May you know the truth inside you from the start
May you find the strength to know that you are a
Part of something beautiful…
